The title phrase will be familiar and synonymous with those who have seen the popular romantic comedy ‘Bridget Jone’s Diary’. However, no problem if you haven’t seen it. This entry is not about the movie, but the phrase.
It occurred to me that so many people I know struggle to find a good relationship. This is to the extent that s/he will remain in a bad relationship because something is better than nothing and returning to the dating game is not ideal. I can understand this reasoning and will by no means say it is easy out there to find someone to share their life and interests with. Returning to singleton status would not be a wish of mine despite the sometimes attractive appeal of being free to do whatever you want when you want.
That said, there is at least one piece of wisdom I can shed light upon that will hopefully make you rethink relationships in general and for some empower change. I am an open book and what follows is quite a large chunk of my personal philosophy that will hopefully drive home the phrase ‘I Like You … Just As You Are’.
It personally took me some time to make the leap between disliking myself to accepting myself. While it may seem cliche, there is something to be said about loving yourself before you can truly love someone else. I’m pretty sure that I made certain guys lives miserable at times in dealing with my own insecurities aka: loving the skin I’m in. One of my favorite statements, ‘I’m feeling fat and don’t want to go out.’ This after changing my outfit about 10 times having confirming the first outfit looked good.
On the other hand past partners had the same effect due to their own personal issues or beliefs. For example, being jealous over male friends I knew since I was 12. Others being obsessed with image to the extent I felt I could never meet their standard.
Through it all I had one statement I lived by - ‘Never settle!’ This does not mean that you serial date and find something wrong with every individual you meet, therefore you literally never settle. Quite the contrary. It is more the idea that when in a relationship you don’t settle for changing who you are as a person. I don’t mean that if you have a drinking problem, you don’t change this behavior for the better of the person you are dating. More like if you have strong religious beliefs, you don’t suddenly become an atheist. Similarly, if you want to be married one day, you don’t continue to date someone who says they don’t believe in marriage for 5 years hoping they will change their mind. Walk away and move on.
Most of us can probably say that we have had at least one relationship where we were so entangled, we could not see the forest through the trees. Basically we could not see what those on the outside knew all along. Of course friends may have advised you that it was a dead end, but we all know advice is something we don’t tend to accept until we own the decision. The choice to stay or go.
The stay or go part is key. The point I want to drive home is that if the person you are currently dating does not like you for you, then go. This individual may practically be everything you want, but if deep down you know that you have compromised even one important aspect for the worse, then it is not worth it. Same for dating someone you think you can change to be someone s/he is not. Never easy when you are in the relationship because you tend to convince yourself there is no one else out there who will put up with your faults or that you are too old to be looking again or that they can change or that ditching all of your friends that make your partner jealous is logical or you don’t mind occasional infidelity, so you stay.
Maybe some of those scenarios work for certain people, but believe me when I say that there is always another person out there who will love the real you and likewise you love them for who they are. Yes, it is not easy to believe you deserve better or to find the right person. If the case, maybe take the time then to work on you and appreciate all of who you are and your own needs. Then and only then can you enter a relationship ‘just as you are.’
From the of the hit t.v. show ‘How I Met Your Mother’, Barney Stinson is the master at ways to pick-up the ladies. Should you be at a loss for ideas, check out his Top 10 moves to use this weekend. I implore any single guy to try one of Barney’s characters on the list and let me know how it turns out. Happy hunting.
Share: Best pick-up move that worked for you?
Most of my friends will have heard me use the line ‘class vs. trash’ in varying instances. As a person who promotes class over trash, I began to think about this in relation to attracting the right partner.
I wondered if someone is consistently attracted to dating ‘trashy’ individuals ending in a less than desirable relationship, then why do they keep returning to this archetype of an individual the next time around? More importantly, can this person actually distinguish a trashy individual over a classy individual? The answers I believe just may save a few future male or female verbal bashings.
So many people seem to get involved with the promiscuous girl or two-timing guy aka: trash. All fine if you are in it for fun. Yet for those in it for something a bit more serious, I asked myself how I could possibly help. That is to help those not looking for the good-time gal or guy to enter a more committable courtship.
Back to basics! We all initially approach another person based on physical attraction. Yet, if we are continually attracted to the ‘hot’ guy or girl who after a month of dating is found at the bar hitting on the next best thing, when will the cycle ever end?
I’ve decided the best way to approach the subject is through a ‘quiz’. Unlike the usual multi-choice questionnaires that produce a score with ‘insightful’ results, we are going to keep things simple. All you need to do is decide (based on the photo or what you believe s/he represents), whether you think the person is classy or trashy. There is a combo of pop culture and no-namers faces to look through.
I figure if you can decide whether or not someone is ‘trashy’ or not, then you are off to a good start in re-conditioning yourself to be attracted to the right girl or guy next time you are out at some social affair. NB: Leave the trash behind.
Enjoy deciding while also laughing. For fun discussion, do post your answers or comments about those whom you find trashy/classy (20 in total):
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Ever wonder what time of day will best increase your chances of having the optimal sexual experience? Maybe for some that is just plain having sex with anyone at anytime should the opportunity arise. However, it may be helpful to know for future reference that your body functions on your own ‘built in’ biological rhythm across 24 hours that is capable of better sex at certain times of day. So how can one selfishly and selflessly succeed at receiving the most sexual satisfaction in his/her day? Let’s start with a good breakfast . . .
This one I dedicate to the men in my life who found the bittersweet end of a cheating wife.
It may seem hard to think that women are the culprits of sexual deviance when so often it is the reversal that is depicted within most pop culture. Yet it happens - cheating bastards become cheating bitches. Of course before such harsh language is accepted and tolerated, let me tell the story of unfortunate outcomes that leads to this.
Whether you believe in marriage or not, I would like to think that most people are looking for someone to share our life with while on earth. My good friend indeed met such a person quite a few years ago now. He did end up marry her a couple years later. They moved to a new city with great jobs, a great home and eventually beautiful children. On paper they appeared to be the perfect nuclear family. That is until . . .
So carrying on from the question - do long distance relationships work or are they too much work? You be the judge . . .
It was exactly 8 years ago that I took a trip to Morocco that changed my life. Most common question I get asked besides ‘what do I do?’ would be ‘how did you two meet?’. Many have heard the derailed fairy tale response to the latter, but for new listeners, here is the story of how I went bi-continent.
