The title phrase will be familiar and synonymous with those who have seen the popular romantic comedy ‘Bridget Jone’s Diary’. However, no problem if you haven’t seen it. This entry is not about the movie, but the phrase.
It occurred to me that so many people I know struggle to find a good relationship. This is to the extent that s/he will remain in a bad relationship because something is better than nothing and returning to the dating game is not ideal. I can understand this reasoning and will by no means say it is easy out there to find someone to share their life and interests with. Returning to singleton status would not be a wish of mine despite the sometimes attractive appeal of being free to do whatever you want when you want.
That said, there is at least one piece of wisdom I can shed light upon that will hopefully make you rethink relationships in general and for some empower change. I am an open book and what follows is quite a large chunk of my personal philosophy that will hopefully drive home the phrase ‘I Like You … Just As You Are’.
It personally took me some time to make the leap between disliking myself to accepting myself. While it may seem cliche, there is something to be said about loving yourself before you can truly love someone else. I’m pretty sure that I made certain guys lives miserable at times in dealing with my own insecurities aka: loving the skin I’m in. One of my favorite statements, ‘I’m feeling fat and don’t want to go out.’ This after changing my outfit about 10 times having confirming the first outfit looked good.
On the other hand past partners had the same effect due to their own personal issues or beliefs. For example, being jealous over male friends I knew since I was 12. Others being obsessed with image to the extent I felt I could never meet their standard.
Through it all I had one statement I lived by - ‘Never settle!’ This does not mean that you serial date and find something wrong with every individual you meet, therefore you literally never settle. Quite the contrary. It is more the idea that when in a relationship you don’t settle for changing who you are as a person. I don’t mean that if you have a drinking problem, you don’t change this behavior for the better of the person you are dating. More like if you have strong religious beliefs, you don’t suddenly become an atheist. Similarly, if you want to be married one day, you don’t continue to date someone who says they don’t believe in marriage for 5 years hoping they will change their mind. Walk away and move on.
Most of us can probably say that we have had at least one relationship where we were so entangled, we could not see the forest through the trees. Basically we could not see what those on the outside knew all along. Of course friends may have advised you that it was a dead end, but we all know advice is something we don’t tend to accept until we own the decision. The choice to stay or go.
The stay or go part is key. The point I want to drive home is that if the person you are currently dating does not like you for you, then go. This individual may practically be everything you want, but if deep down you know that you have compromised even one important aspect for the worse, then it is not worth it. Same for dating someone you think you can change to be someone s/he is not. Never easy when you are in the relationship because you tend to convince yourself there is no one else out there who will put up with your faults or that you are too old to be looking again or that they can change or that ditching all of your friends that make your partner jealous is logical or you don’t mind occasional infidelity, so you stay.
Maybe some of those scenarios work for certain people, but believe me when I say that there is always another person out there who will love the real you and likewise you love them for who they are. Yes, it is not easy to believe you deserve better or to find the right person. If the case, maybe take the time then to work on you and appreciate all of who you are and your own needs. Then and only then can you enter a relationship ‘just as you are.’
