Wedding season in the southern hemisphere is in full swing with thousands of countless dollars being spent on one single day. The man losing his glorious bachelor days and the woman losing her ability to get free drinks at the bar. Priorities certainly do change when ‘I’ becomes ‘we’ and a transition that is sought after the world round to at least experience once if not 2, 3 or more times in ones lifetime (you get the idea). It is this Jerry Macguire moment when we think we can say ‘you complete me’.

At the start of any relationship we go in hoping this it - we can skip to the happy ending; that we can stop the search for this so-called ‘Neo’ character. Some strike it lucky the first time around, some strike out.

Being married, I often get asked how did you know s/he was ‘the one’? The better question to ask I think is: Does such a thing exist? My answer .  .  .

.  .  . no. Let’s digress.

I have always had an inquisitive mind and will ask just about anything to anyone willing to humor my friendly interrogations if it brings me closer to some version of truth or personal understanding. When I was ‘out there’ I used to ask anyone  married and divorced alike, how did you know? I most often heard the response ‘I just knew.’ Funny thing how that answer worked both ways.

I use to think silently of their reply ‘of course you just knew - hindsight 20/20 pal. Give me some material I can use!’ Ironically in time I came to give the exact answer I once thought obvious, but only after internalizing the following:

1. There is more than one person out there for you.

2. Timing is everything.

Once there was an older woman who told me the story of how she met her husband that I feel will demonstrate the above. The conversation went something like this …

Me: So how did you two meet?

Ruth: I was 16 or so at a time in America just before WWII when Masonic groups were at the height of socialization for high school students. I would attend various social invites and dances combining such groups where nobody really dated any one person exclusively. I was playing the field (laughing).

Me: Sounds like a ‘G-rated’ version of Studio 54.

Ruth: (Smiling) Of particular interest though were 2 gentleman who both went to my high school that were a couple years older than me. They were both in the same graduating class and knew one another. One being Joe who I would run into at dances and Masonic group gatherings whom I found quite attractive. The other being Clif who was the brother of my friend in Job’s Daughters whom I had gone on a few dates with. Of the two, I attended their senior prom with Joe. When I graduated, I took Clif to my prom. I would often see each of them on different social occasions.

Me: Seems a to be a draw so far.

Ruth: Soon after I graduated Joe was drafted. Half a year before Clif. I went to see him off at the train station. The same for Clif when he went off to basic training in California before being deployed. I wrote to them both.

Me: And the field playing continues with ink and pen.

Ruth: You could say I was doing my part to keep the troops happy. Joe was stationed in Europe and Clif in the Pacific. One difference though before each was shipped overseas, Clif asked me to marry him upon his return from basic training and I gladly accepted his proposal. Of course at this point Joe had already been deployed in Europe.

Me: Well Miss ‘Dear John’ letter to come. What if Joe had asked you? What would you have said?

Ruth: Well, then I may have had a different story to tell you;-) I didn’t look back. The year Clif returned home from the war, I married your grandfather.

Times have certainly changed since the days of Ruth in terms of opportunity and the role male and female play in today’s society, but in an ever evolving world, one thing remains the same - we still look to share our life in some way with another human being.

Going back to the initial response ‘you just know’, we can’t always decide who we fall in love with in life, but I would like to believe we always decide whether it works or when we should walk away. Freewill to stay or go meet the next one.

Side Note: When the time is right, you will just know. In the meantime, play the field and gamble on love.

Supplemental Listening: ‘As Time Goes By’

Share: Do you think there is only one person out there for you?